Fumbling Towards Ecstacy
by flowers-followed
Summary: He would pursue her to the end of his days. She had won his heart but his mind was another matter. Sometimes love is the hardest teacher of all. Sequel to "Elsewhere", KagSess.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha nor do I profit.

**Fumbling Towards Ecstacy...**

_"What kind of scale  
Compares the weight of two beauties  
The gravity of duties  
Or the groundspeed of joy  
Tell me what kind of gage  
Can quantify elation  
What kind of equation  
Could I possilby employ?"_

- Ani Difranco, School Night

Chapter One

She paused in the entranceway of the university auditorium, checking her books to make sure everything was in order. She laid her hand on the author's name of her history book and suppressed her emotion.

She had walked out without looking back but everything reminded her. Everything took her back to an intense, dangerous, and passionate summer that she not only couldn't forget but had shaped her, made her strong, and influenced her decision.

She made her weary way to a midsection row and took a seat, allowing room for students to keep filtering in. There was an unsettled cloud of intense whispers, wondering what the problem could be she looked up from her books and notes to meet a set of eyes that sent chills down her spine, of both relief and rage.

He observed her from across the hustle and bustle. She was trying hard to avoid his eyes and a sheer look of disdain creased her wholesome face. She was more than radiant to him now. She was irresistible. The mere thought of his chosen life partner, the one for whom he'd put both himself and her through hell then back, defying him in such a blatant way. His eyes flashed as he gave an extremely cool and dangerous smile.

This gesture caught Kagome's eye and she drew a sharp breath. She could feel his power prickle over her senses. He was angry, he was hurt, but he had to learn. No more than eight days since she'd walked out on him and here he stood. She felt her own rage swell to meet his.

"Seats if you please," his clear baritone rocked the din without even a microphone and after a rushed movement the auditorium was silent. "Very well, today is the beginning of a new era for your small minds, I am Sensei Seiitsu, the instrument of knowledge I hope you all will utilize to your benefit," he glowered over an audience of gape-mouthed girls and shrinking boys. "The choice of knowledge is your own, I would be tempted to hammer my texts into your skulls but the decision, sadly, isn't my own."

Kagome nearly fell out of her seat. This couldn't be happening.

"Oh my my, I can think of an instrument I wouldn't mind hammering…" whispered a round-faced blonde exchange student two rows up from Kagome. From the looks of most the girls seated in her vicinity, the thought must have been shared, such an ethereal figure of cold beauty, standing leisurely in his white dress shirt and dark pants. Picturesque like that first night she'd seen him, at least on this side of the well.

"Where did he come from?"

"And here I thought college was going to be dull,"

"Well, history is now my favorite class,"

On and on the whispers continued, quite to the chagrin of Kagome. Sesshoumaru, of course, could hear every word and stood with slighted eyes. In a quick motion he spun around and flipped on a slide projector, very old-fashioned and a few students muffled laughter. Kagome braced herself but he strangely seemed unaffected.

"Now, someone take care of the lights," he barked as he turned his back on the class. A torrent of frenzied girls and a couple boys sprinted for the lights and soon enough a hundred students were sitting in interrupted darkness. "And so begins the learning," he announced in a bored tone Kagome knew he used under stress. He began to produce slide after slide of landmarks across Japan he had photographed himself.

At the end of the slide show he walked briskly to the light switch himself and flicked it on harshly. Fluorescence shuttered and came to life, revealing a half enraptured, half dazed student body, eyes bent on the dynamic presence of him.

"I will only say this one time. Notes must be extensive and readable, I will be looking over them, tests will be few but lengthy, have faith I will not give warning," he paused briefly to run an annoyed hand across the top of his silver head, careful not to pull even one hair from the tie holding it in place. There was much grinning, coughing, and leg crossing afterward. "Questions will only be heard if intelligible, if not you will be embarrassed."

"Great, another hard-ass," a cocky young man sighed a few rows back from Kagome. Sesshoumaru paused and she nearly swallowed her tongue.

"I will promise you, ingrate, that you will fully know the meaning of your words come the end of this semester," he said coolly, to the surprise of the entire class his words were quite audible and the cocky young man sank into his chair.

"How did he hear that?"

"Silence," Sesshoumaru barked and silence ensued. "I will also be taking applications for an assistant, students must have a major of history to apply, details posted on the door. You are free to go," he finished and made his way back to the podium.

Kagome sat stock still as the students stood and made their way to the doors in back. Sesshoumaru locked eyes with her and they sat staring hard until the last student had left the room.

"I can't ask why you're here, I think I know," Kagome whispered. In a flash Sesshoumaru was bending over the row in front of her to nearly touch her nose with his own. Suddenly he didn't know if he wanted to wrap his hands around her throat or his lips around hers, craving so desperately the mated closeness of a human kiss.

"My house is empty," he stated, anger broken down by the biting reality of her departure. Behind her hardened mask he could feel the heat of tears swelling.

"I have a life, I have to live it," she answered. Rage and longing twisted his face as he brought a shaking fist to her cheek, then unfolded his palm to rest it against glorious skin.

"I had a life," he said so faintly she could barely make it out. A silent tear fell from her swollen eyes.

"I can't give up my dreams Sesshoumaru…" she choked.

"Do not use my name, girl, you have no right, anymore," he whispered. "I dreamed only of you, now look at…" he paused to bow his head.

"Look at me, ridiculous. I should have forgotten my brother and forgotten you," he breathed. She let loose a string of tears, he didn't mean his words. She had done this to him, but for good reason. She placed her hand over his. He reversed his grip quickly and slammed her into his arms, holding her so tightly she couldn't pull breath. He loosened his grip and deeply inhaled the long lost scent of her. Eight days were like eight centuries.

"Uh… Sensei?" came a small voice from the auditorium door. He released Kagome and turned harsh eyes onto a mousy girl, standing with her glasses askew and mouth open. Kagome was flush with embarrassment and a few other emotions as she hid her face then sat back down in a quick motion. It was Ami, her new dorm mate. Kagome was a late enroller and the odd friend out so rooming with familiar people wasn't possible.

"What do you want?" Sesshoumaru barked and the girl dropped her armload of books in answer. She quickly bent down to gather them and pushed her glasses up along her nose.

"I… I'm sorry, I was looking for my roommate Kagome, you see, she has the only key to get in and I'm done for the day…"

"Don't worry Ami, I'll be right out okay?" Kagome said over her shoulder. Ami made a surprised face then it seemed like the truth hit her like an arrow. She blushed red then bowed politely making her way out the door. Sesshoumaru let out a short laugh then turned again to Kagome.

Gathering her own things she stood, training her eyes to the floor and found herself blocked by the most exquisite obstacle the fates could throw her way. Sometimes she thought herself crazy for the decisions she made but something deep inside told her it was best for all parties involved.

"You left me empty."

"I left you whole."

"I can not live my life like I once did anymore."

"And you shouldn't, now you have hope."

"I have nothing, not since seven days, twelve hours, and fourteen minutes ago."

She drew a long breath and stepped around him to the door, keeping her eyes straight ahead. Willing herself to step over the threshold, leaving him to his lessons in exchange for her own.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, what you're saying is sickness, and living like that is a slow death, even if you believe with everything in you that it's right."

With that she stepped into the busy hallway of her new collegiate life.

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A/N: Well, here I go again. I really don't know what I want to do with this sequel. I know I want to make it out-of-the-ordinary and good enough to read without the compliment of "Elsewhere". Be sure to give me feed-back. Believe it or not my readers give me the sparks that set these stories to light.

Thanks for reading,

flowers


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor do I profit.

_"I'm so tired of being here  
Surpressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
Your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone,"_

- Evanessence, My Immortal

Chapter Two

The sun sank like a neon sign on the horizon. Everything was cogs and wheels in his mind now, the hum of advancement in technology, of progress and twenty-four hour grocers. Nothing was natural, even the very mountains the sun sank its electricity into were shining like plastic.

With every sunset he could feel the wheels of his own life turning. Ever so slowly into decay and decadence. The very need for him in this world waning, growing impatient and tired with his presence, this was the age of humans to fulfill short lives with plastic idols and microwaves. Even the very soul of his life had walked out on the pretense of advancement. What a dark and lowly day to be immortal.

One weary step after another he found himself wandering the streets of the city, a city he had once prided himself in knowing was now like an ominous stranger, holding a biological clock of hours above his head like a knife against his throat.

Of all the time in his life the past few years had sharpened him like a suicidal tool of self-mutilation. He had set himself up for his own demise it seemed and at that moment the design of death almost threw off its shroud of mystery to reveal the divine arc of his doom. Only one word came into his mind.

Wasted.

All the time and tediousness, emotion and struggle. He threw back his head and gave a deep laugh. All because of this frail human and spiked treasure of love she bore for him, despite the fear of death he insisted on claiming over her. He turned on his heels and began a rapid pace in the directions of home.

His gate was dark with memory. Her breathless form crouching in the archway haunted his mind like a ghost. His door was covered in the scent of her. His dark house told the story of a thousand golden hours. His bed was burnt by the radiance of her warmth.

Why? Why? He could scream this into the void of his mind. Maybe if he sized this up in the calculative way he'd always approached everything with he could find the missing piece. What he didn't do to keep her here, in his protection and intensity. Or maybe that was it, the protection was too thorough and the intensity too severe for a mere mortal. But he had almost forgotten. She was no mere mortal.

Lying the in the darkened swirl of moonlight and shadow he took himself back to that first night, after his will had broken and she was there to take the pieces off the ground…

-

"Ms. Higurashi, I can assure you once your daughter is at liberty to speak I will personally see to it that she contacts you and that this anger you're demonstrating on me may be shifted to her," he stated casually and waited for her response. The tired sigh on the other end told him her reserve had cracked.

"Let her know I'm not happy with the way she leaves suddenly and disappears for hours with no explanation, my nerves are shot," she barked and hung up the phone. He placed the phone on his splintered table slowly. He had nearly torn the wall apart with the table in his anger only a few hours before. Blessedly it had felt like days passed between then and now. He gave a short half-smile.

Kagome was finally awake and he was resisting to go to her. Sleeping in a dreamless void was one thing to watch her do, now he must deal the real issue at hand. With one soundless foot in front of the other he padded back to the doorframe and quickly masked his troubled face to step into the room.

She was sitting upright with large questioning eyes; her hands lay motionless in her lap. He could immediately feel a new vibrance radiating from her and basked in the subtle warmth of her presence before returning to his worry. At least she had woken.

"You're awake," he stated and she nodded slowly, watching him closely. His heart sank and he controlled his need to rush to her and feel her warmth from a more intimate distance. She may reject him, she may have been telling him what she thought he wanted to hear to save her own life. He shook his head and dismissed the thought, she had stood firm behind what he didn't want to hear at the time and had suffered from his rage for it.

He began to feel the all to familiar wetness well in his eyes but pushed it back, far from the surface. "Do you need anything," he asked in a small voice, betraying his stoic face. She sat with perplexed eyes and shook her head as if clearing it. He controlled himself again to not rush to her.

"Water please," she croaked and cleared her throat. He was out of the room and back in a second with her request and paced slowly to the bed to hand the beverage to her. She reached for the cup but instead grabbed his hand. The water fell with a small thud to the rug and Sesshoumaru stood speechless, looking at the large tears forming in Kagome's eyes he let his reserve falter. He fell into her and held her to him with force strong enough to knock the breath from her lungs. "It was real then," she whispered so quietly he could barely understand her words. It hit with a wave of many emotions. So many he couldn't recognize them all.

He covered her with his body and his affections. He took in the rich scent of her hair, dirty and burnt but reeking of her essence and relished it. He covered her face with attentions from his mouth. His hands found every rise and swell of her body until he knew every inch of her by heart. She submitted completely and wept with gladness. Her dream had been real. His words had been real.

He knew she had no clue what he was doing, he could smell her reaction to his attention and felt her gladness wash over him. The mental bond was now open. As he explored her body he gently urged her to do the same. He was familiarizing himself with his chosen partner, an instinct he was compelled to act upon for most part to see if she had healed but willingly to be close with her. He stilled himself and willed his hands and mouth to be gentle. After a moment he could sense her confusion and halted his actions. His blood was boiling.

He grudgingly released her to stand and she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. He paced out of the room and returned with the phone and handed it to her. She looked at him and smiled.

"My mother called didn't she, I hope she didn't threaten you," Kagome said with a bit of sarcasm and took the phone from his hand. He returned a warm half-smile and left her to speak with her mother. He walked briskly to the kitchen and put the kettle back on. Now that the initial joy and relief was finished and things had turned out in his favor there were many things to do.

He had to completely gut the house and maybe even enlarge it. He knew this was a nesting instinct but he found this only proper, she would be with him now and that meant living in his house. He would have to hire servants now, this wasn't the best thought but she would need a personal servant to help her with mundane chores and perhaps cooking. He would find as many servants as she wanted; she need not lift a finger for the rest of her life.

He could hear nervous laughter coming from her direction. Kagome's mother was a tough case but all would be well now. He mulled over plans and actions in his mind while pouring a steaming cup of tea and seating himself at the small kitchen table. Then a painful thought hit him. This nesting instinct was the result of another deeper instinct he hadn't even considered, procreation. His head fell slack into his waiting hands. He couldn't, he wouldn't bring a half demon into this world of man.

He stood suddenly and his teacup tipped onto the table. He watched the dark steaming rivulets of tea swirl across the wood and fall into a pool on the waiting floor. What had he done? This choice had been a hard one to make and a torture even in its resolution.

He knew she would be with child if he stayed with her, during her cycle the urge to mate would be too strong. All of these chemical ways humans had to forego the ovulation process wouldn't work on her now, not with his blood in her veins. He felt like screaming, howling in his rage. He clenched his teeth and waited for the red curtain of his rage to lift from his eyes.

He heard a small sound and turned swiftly to meet Kagome's large questioning eyes. He felt the intensity of anger leave his body and the red drain from his vision. These feelings of outrage and confusion melted before her. Feeling his mood change at the sight of her she relaxed as well. She could sense his mind now. She took a few tired steps forward and placed the phone on its table.

Guilt began to well in the pit of stomach at the sight of her tattered clothing and slow gait but he stood firm. She wouldn't want him rushing to her; she would want to prove her strength to him.

"What's wrong?" She asked perplexed and began to sway with exhaustion. He allowed himself to scoop her up and carry her to the bathroom.

"Nothing to worry about, I'll prepare a bath. It looks like you'll be wearing my undergarments yet again," he said in a soft flat voice while her deep laughter showered his ears.

"Yeah, I guess so," she chimed and sank into his strong chest. She was confused at his anger but it had all but vanished now. She would take his advice and not worry. The stress of the last few days would probably whiten her hair if she didn't relax and let the gentle hand of joy cover her mind. This was all she had asked for and the joy of it was thick and wonderful.

-

He clenched his teeth and wadded the sheets in his hands. The sheets that merely days before were occupied by her. How did this come to pass? Flinging the torn material to the ground he jumped from the western style bed and quickly made his way to the back door and the garden.

No good.

The sweet smell of flowers in the moonlight. The reflection of the stars in his koi pond. Nothing in this house or on his lands belonged to him anymore. Go to her, go to her. The call nearly took him every waking moment of the day.

What use is life when it is no longer your own? He smiled slightly and placed the palm of his hand against the surface of the pond's water. He could hear in his mind what she would have said.

_"And what made you think life was yours to begin with?"_

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A/N: I would love some feedback. I'm not altogether happy with my own ideas. I feel this story could be something more. I'm also in dire need of beta. Someone who is familiar with my work and has better grammar skills than I (which I could throw a rock and hit ten people better at grammar). Give me a yell if interested, flowersfollowed (at symbol) is my email address.

Thanks for reading,

flowers


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